Costs

One train of thought I've been having lately is that following God is a difficult and arduous journey (Matt. 20:20-23) - and that in the midst of the pain and sacrifice, I'm forced to depend solely on God.  The emotions the thought evokes are a strange mix of comfort and sadness. I think the comfort might even come from the fact that there's sadness in the sacrifices I might have to make to follow God, if that makes any sense. But the thought felt a little dangerous. It's not that it's entirely untrue -- I think God does relentlessly pursue us to ever greater dependence on Him. But my sadness reminded me of just the previous chapter, when Jesus told the rich young man to sell all his possessions and give to the poor, and the young man became very sad and went away. I tell myself I'm one step above this man, because I would choose the difficult road and follow Jesus, and fight through the sadness. But that was a depressing thought, because then the best parts of following Jesus would be fighting through sadness, which to me, bordered on asceticism. Could that be what following Jesus is about? I don't know, I found that difficult to believe.

Coming back to the young man, I began to feel that his sadness was the bigger issue than him going away. The man was sad because he had great wealth. My sadness stems from the value I place on the things I might have to give up. I don't know how sustainable it is to follow Jesus through a constant state of sadness, and even if I could, I'm confident it would lead to uncontrollable amounts of pride. In Phillipians 3, Paul writes, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." To "count everything as loss" has always been a confusing phrase every time I come across it. But it seems pretty clear in this context. I think when I'm able to count everything as loss, any sadness will turn into pure joy, because I will have lost nothing by following Jesus, and anything I gain will have been pure profit.