Hebrews 5:8-9

⁸ Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered. ⁹ And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation

This verse is incredible. It's saying that Jesus suffered, in order to learn obedience. Jesus, the son of God, suffered to learn obedience. And through that, he was made perfect. So count your suffering as joy, Christians, because you are walking on the same path as Jesus.

today

i got to share the gospel with a co-worker. in chinese. God is good. because i wouldn't have even imagined it.

Costs

One train of thought I've been having lately is that following God is a difficult and arduous journey (Matt. 20:20-23) - and that in the midst of the pain and sacrifice, I'm forced to depend solely on God.  The emotions the thought evokes are a strange mix of comfort and sadness. I think the comfort might even come from the fact that there's sadness in the sacrifices I might have to make to follow God, if that makes any sense. But the thought felt a little dangerous. It's not that it's entirely untrue -- I think God does relentlessly pursue us to ever greater dependence on Him. But my sadness reminded me of just the previous chapter, when Jesus told the rich young man to sell all his possessions and give to the poor, and the young man became very sad and went away. I tell myself I'm one step above this man, because I would choose the difficult road and follow Jesus, and fight through the sadness. But that was a depressing thought, because then the best parts of following Jesus would be fighting through sadness, which to me, bordered on asceticism. Could that be what following Jesus is about? I don't know, I found that difficult to believe.

Coming back to the young man, I began to feel that his sadness was the bigger issue than him going away. The man was sad because he had great wealth. My sadness stems from the value I place on the things I might have to give up. I don't know how sustainable it is to follow Jesus through a constant state of sadness, and even if I could, I'm confident it would lead to uncontrollable amounts of pride. In Phillipians 3, Paul writes, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." To "count everything as loss" has always been a confusing phrase every time I come across it. But it seems pretty clear in this context. I think when I'm able to count everything as loss, any sadness will turn into pure joy, because I will have lost nothing by following Jesus, and anything I gain will have been pure profit.

grape nuts are the worst cereal ever

a poem

sin is like cotton candy
so fluffy and always sounds so good

but melts to nothingness
and really unsatisfying

Psalm 139

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
⁵ You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

⁷ Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

Man really gotta keep this in mind

TIL in 2014

I don't usually do New Year's posts and I don't do lists, but it's a new year, so I can do what I want. So here are things I learned in 2014: 

1. Taylor Swift is invincible. All I'm gonna say is...I told all ya'll haters all those years ago. You know who you are. But its okay, cause I'm just gonna shake it off~

2. I, on the other hand, am not invincible. Getting older sucks. Some genes don't work as well and the dawning realization of that feels like doing the ice bucket challenge.

3. Science is hard. I guess this one shouldn't be such a surprise, but device development or undergraduate research is very different from being responsible for original peer-reviewed research that has a chance of being impactful. I realized the reason why the degree is called a doctorate of philosophy is because hypothesizing into the unknown is more philosophical than it is scientific. Science is only the applied form of philosophy.

4. Fobs are cool. This is probably kind of terrible to say, but despite always having had a lot of Asian friends, I always identified as more American than Chinese and couldn't really relate with immigrant Chinese people (aka "fobs"). But a summer trip to China, an all-Chinese lab, and some new in-laws may be awakening my inner fob.

5. Planes are really freaking scary and sneaky and can disappear off the face of the earth. Especially Malaysian ones. Pray before ever flying through Southeast Asia. "Lost" is forreals, folks. Pray for peace for the families affected.

6. In the past week, I learned of the deaths of the two people that were among the most inspiring people I've had the privilege of meeting. I wasn't very close with either of them, but the news hit just as hard, because of their age and the lives they lived. One was David Yue, one of my favorite professors in college, who passed away from a sudden cardiac arrest. The other was a girl named Johanna, in her 20s, who lived at an orphanage I visited in China over the summer, and passed from a heart attack. Dr. Yue's extraordinary contributions to science and teaching and Johanna's incredible persistence through her physical disabilities and leadership at the orphanage were overshadowed only by their relationship with God. The gifts that God gave them could not have been more different, but they allowed God to use them to the fullest. This is all I could hope for in my life. Above all of this, however, is the continued reminder of the sovereignty of God, which requires faith in His goodness, that He may call any of his children back to Himself at any time.

7. God is good, faithful, and unlimited in power. This year I saw my parents come closer to God than I ever would have even dared to imagine. The same is true of other friends, family, and myself. I realize it sounds somewhat cliche, and it should probably stop being such a surprise, but it never does, and I hope it never will.

Happy New Years.