Here I Am to Worship

It's amazing how God gives you new insight about things years after you first hear or read about it as your walk with him grows.



That song is one of the first Christian songs I ever had and I've heard it hundreds of times. One line that I had never completely understood is when it says, "I'll never know how much it cost / to see my sin upon that cross". It's a line repeated over and over again, and it would just sound quirky, like there was some grammatical mistake with it. At first, I thought he sang, "to see my Son upon that cross," which made more sense to me, cause I mean yeah, even if I had a son, I would probably never know what it felt like to see him on a cross. But then I looked up the lyrics one day and found out it said "sin on that cross". It didn't make any sense because its God bearing that cost, and God sure didn't have any sin, so how could he see it on the cross? That didn't work, so I ended with the interpretation that since Jesus took my sin and he's on a cross, it kind of makes sense in an awkwardly phrased way. In any case, the song was pretty, so I just lived with it.

Well I was just listening to that song again just now, and then it hit me. The cost of my sin is worse than death, it means complete separation from God. When my sin was nailed to the cross in Jesus, that separation was taken from me and given to Jesus. Jesus, God's son, and God Himself, was separated and abandoned by God. Have you ever wondered what ripping your body in half feels like? That's not even close to what Jesus felt. No one on earth has felt what its like to be completely abandoned by God, because that's what Hell is. And Jesus, who never sinned, was there. And so that was the cost of my sin on the cross. And as I was thinking about that, I noticed the first part of the sentence, "I'll never know..." I realized that there is nothing that I could ever do on this earth that would even come close to knowing what the cost of that is like. And I am so thankful that I will never have to know. Because it's not pretty. But that's why I'm trying to give everything that I have to pursue God, to say that I at least tried.

So that's why that line is repeated so many times.